


It's A Funny Story, Really

by rexlover180



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Prison, M/M, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-29
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-17 18:59:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4677710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rexlover180/pseuds/rexlover180
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ivan works as a guard at a prison. One day, he sees a new inmate, Jones, who just happens to capture his interest. How could someone who looks so innocent wind up in prison? Well, it's a funny story, really.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's A Funny Story, Really

Ivan sighed, drumming his fingers on the desk in a familiar rhythm. He scanned across the room, the thick pane of glass and a door separating him from the inmates. Not that they were really doing anything. Normally, they didn’t cause much of a ruckus. Those days were rare occasions. Interesting, but rare. It was dull, really. Currently, he was on duty to watch one of the bunk rooms, his violet eyes scanning the men as they mulled around in the familiar, dull khakis. They were all the usual criminals, some tough guys, most with tattoos spread across their entire arms and maybe even more, there were the drug addicts…They were all the same.

Ivan had never expected that he’d get a job working security at a prison, but what the hell. He could roll with life’s punches. The guards liked having him around. He was pretty big and, not to mention, _Russian._ None of the inmates really gave him a second glance, either because they were intimidated or just not interested in starting a fight. Granted, Ivan could hold his own. There were plenty of cases where he’d broken up fights, nearly got his head bashed in by someone who wanted his meth back (Lord knows how he managed to get that in there), the usual.

Today, however, could serve to be interesting. There was one empty bunk in this room. There were a few others scattered around. There would be new inmates coming in, maybe someone interesting would show up. Who knew?

Ivan blinked when he saw the familiar parade walk in. Two guards, a couple of the ‘trustworthy’ inmates…and then there was the new guy. Ivan blinked, trying to make sure he was seeing correctly. This was the new inmate? He looked so…innocent…

He had baby blue eyes so wide you could mistake them for a child’s and crisp and clean blonde hair that seemed to bob with him as he walked. He took in the room around him with such interest with a curious look that Ivan honestly wondered if he was someone taking a tour. But this was a prison. He had a tiny bag in his hands as he was lead to the empty bunk, getting a rundown of the basics before he was left alone.

Ivan leaned forward. The new inmate gave a smile to the people as a thank-you, the brightest, most innocent smile a guy could ever have. What was so wrong with this guy that he was convicted of any kind of crime? He looked like the most innocent man on the planet.

.

The new inmate, Jones, as Ivan had come to find out, didn’t exactly fit in well. Everyone around him was chiseled and gruff. But Jones liked to be clean-shaven. Well, the best he could in these conditions. He liked his clothes to be clean. He liked to keep his stuff neat. He tried to make friendly chit-chat with all of the other inmates. Some gave him the time of day and they seemed to get along splendidly. This guy could get along with anyone.

But as weeks passed while Ivan watched from afar, this man got no letters, he didn’t make a single call, he was just allowing his time to pass. What had he even been convicted of? Ivan had heard many other inmates ask him, but all of them were greeted by the same answer.

“It’s a funny story, really.” And Jones would just laugh them off. Ivan had never heard the story.

From watching from afar, Ivan learned a few things. One, maybe his therapist was right and he should consider a sexuality other than straight. Two, Jones was an incredibly handsome and compelling man that attracted almost all of his attention. Ivan found himself almost smiling every time his shift had him crossing paths with the inmate. Three, he really wanted to talk with him. Just…talk…maybe. He seemed fairly normal, far from the hardened criminals around him. He seemed like someone Ivan could get along with.

.

The perfect opportunity came a few months after the inmate’s arrival, during a movie night. A dark room, most of the other guards were pretty much only focused on the movie which Ivan couldn’t even care less about. Alfred (Ivan had learned his first name from listening to a few other inmates’ conversations) was sitting in the back, lounging happily with the headphones in his ears. He laughed happily at all the right parts, his voice jingling above the others in the room. Ivan shifted on his feet before going over and lightly tapping Alfred’s shoulder.

The inmate blinked and turned his attention to Ivan, pulling out the headphones. He smiled brightly at Ivan and Ivan felt his stomach flutter with those stupid butterflies.

“Hey, man, what’s up?” Alfred asked casually.

“Come with me.” Ivan’s words almost crashed together they came out so fast. He knew, full well, just how unprofessional this was, but he really couldn’t help it. Alfred didn’t look like a criminal, it was likely he’d be out soon…just a little chat was all Ivan wanted. Then he could continue his life like a normal human being. Alfred just nodded with a smile, sneaking out with Ivan, none of the guards really paying much attention. A few other inmates had already left under their watch, anyway.

“Am I in trouble or something?” Alfred laughed, almost quietly as they walked through the empty halls. Ivan could smell something smoking, but he didn’t quite care at the moment for protocols. Now that he was…alone…with Alfred, his nerves were in all kinds of jumbles.

“No, you are not in trouble,” Ivan said simply.

“Hey, they were all right,” Alfred smiled. “You are Russian, dude I’ve been waiting to talk to you for, like, ever. I’ve never met a Russian before!”

“Right,” Ivan blinked. “I just wanted to…talk.”

“Kay, then talk away,” Alfred beamed. “I’m open to anything, really.” Ivan blinked. What did he want to talk about, again?

“Um, well,” Ivan cleared his throat. “You talk. I would like to know more about you. It’s always good to know more about inmates.” He felt a blush on his cheeks but chose to ignore it for now. He got the words across in a way that didn’t seem weird or strange, so that was always good.

“I’m afraid I’m not that interesting,” Alfred shrugged, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Lived in a suburb, I was a teacher, had a hell of a good looking husband. You know, it’s kinda funny. The way you look, you’re so similar to him.”

“Uh, yeah,” Ivan muttered. Strange…Alfred had never had any visitors, calls, or letters. But if he had a husband…

“Oh, don’t worry, all in the past now, you know, with all that’s happened,” Alfred shrugged sheepishly.

“Right,” Ivan nodded.

“Hey, you know…since we’re alone in this hall, I gotta confess a little something,” Alfred smiled that innocent smile of his and, at this point, Ivan couldn’t have cared less about what this man said. Anything would make his blush deeper, spread further, make those butterflies flutter faster. What was…wrong with him? This was an inmate…but, again, probably not for long. There was no way a man like this was in here for anything serious. “You’re totally my type, I mean, obviously. And with the way things are going, I’d have to say I might be your type, too?”

“Um,” Ivan muttered. Where, exactly was this going? This was just supposed to be a conversation, and yet Alfred was leaning forward. Ivan hadn’t quite noticed how similar in height and build they were until that moment. He wanted to flee, but at the same time… Alfred surged forward, holding onto the back of Ivan’s neck as he connected their lips. Ivan froze for a moment, knowing full well just what would happen if someone walked out of the room with the movie. And yet…

Alfred’s lips were so soft and his touches and caresses felt just like a perfect lover’s, inviting him further into the embrace, to kiss him deeper. Ivan pushed back and Alfred smiled into the kiss, moving his lips against Ivan’s like a hypnotic dance. By the time their tongues started doing their ballet, Ivan felt a haze clouding his mind, pushing him further, past out of breath and past dizzy.

When they pulled apart and Ivan could see Alfred’s dilated eyes making his eyes look like the ocean, he couldn’t help but smile a little.

“Glad you like me back, big guy,” Alfred laughed that jingling laugh. “Would’ve made that pretty awkward, don’t you think?”

“Da,” Ivan muttered. “I-I mean…yes,” Ivan shook his head in an attempt to sort out his scattered thoughts. Okay, then…So he’d kissed Alfred. He…liked Alfred. A lot. But he was an inmate. He shouldn’t be in there for too long…he couldn’t have done anything bad. But…just in case…

“Out of curiosity,” Ivan muttered, his face rather close to Alfred’s, hoping to maybe, just maybe, kiss him again, “what are you even in here for?”

“It’s a funny story, really,” Alfred smiled, looping his arms around Ivan’s neck and pulling him even closer. “I walked in on my now-ex fucking some guy across the street. So I killed them both with my bare hands.”

Alfred pulled him into a kiss as Ivan felt himself freeze, his lips malleable to Alfred’s ministrations. What mess had he just gotten himself into?

**Author's Note:**

> This is something short I wrote in, like, an hour. I kinda got inspired to write it because the Tumblr user Martytries wanted a one-shot like this but I couldn't figure out how to send it to them without being weird. So, I'll just casually put this here and chill. I really like the idea of Alfred coming off as innocent and pure and nice and then, in reality, he's bat shit crazy. While Ivan's the only sane one around... well, not really. He is making out with an inmate during movie night. Anyway, hope you enjoyed!


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